Is your teen actually academic and does it matter?
I think a happier life awaits the whole family if parent and teen are on the same page.
Hi there,
Of course with Cram Lab one of my messages is that studying is a learnt skill, and that ANYONE can learn study skills and get better at sitting exams. And I honestly believe that.
But this is not the same as saying every student is capable of getting straight A’s, or more importantly, that getting straight A’s should be every student’s goal, which is quite frankly an insane proposition.
Does your teen have their heart set on going to a top university, or could they not think of anything worse? In my view both options can be great, and we need to let go of this idea that every teen should go to university.
The world is a much more interesting place with a diverse bunch of people in it, and it’s high time we did away with the idea that going to university is the only road to ‘success’.
Trying to force a teen who simply isn’t ‘academic’ is a square peg round hole situation. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t encourage our kids to do their best at high school, but it does mean that a lot of teens and their parents would perhaps save themselves a tonne of stress and actually both be happier if their teens were working towards something that actually interests them.
A quick family story
My Dad’s two older brothers were chalk and cheese. Big brother Jack graduated Dux (valedictorian), went to veterinary school, post grad, and to cut a long story short has had a career dripping with accolades and achievements.
Younger brother John however, only two years younger, could not have been more different. John could not wait to leave school the minute he turned 15 (which you could do in NZ back in the day). He hated school and had no interest whatsoever in pursuing anything traditionally 'academic'. He loved cars and that was his passion.
So John left school on his 15th birthday, got a job as a mechanic, and by his mid-twenties was managing an autoparts shop, happy as a clam.
How could two brothers be so different?! I suspect this happens all the time in families. To some extent, and perhaps a large one, we are who we are and we all need to find our own path in life (I swear I am writing this sober…).
Is your teen a Jack or a John?
Many teens will be somewhere in the middle. It’s a wide spectrum.
In my view having at least an idea where your teen sits on this spectrum could be hugely beneficial for them, and for you. If you both know what your teen's goals, wants, needs, passions and ambitions are (or at least what they aren’t) then you can tackle high school together as a united front.
Let's be realistic. If your teen is a John then getting straight A's probably isn’t the right goal for them. This doesn’t need to be a bad thing. What would be bad is if you and your teen are on different pages when it comes to their goals and aspirations — if your teen is a John but you want them to be a Jack. This is a recipe for a whole lot of stress and frustration and probably conflict between you and your teen.
Your teen's goals and aspirations will be unique to them, and in the long run, everyone is going to be much happier and better off if you are supportive of those goals, rather than trying to push your teen down a path that they have no interest in.
Regardless of where your teen sits on the Jack-John spectrum, I am here to help them achieve their study goals.
And I would love to hear how your teen is going and where they fall on the Jack-John spectrum in the comments below.
Thanks for reading,
Clare